Deafening Whisper of Depression
Doors and windows all closed, curtains rolled down, No TV on, just utter darkness and the deafening whispers of depression.
At least that’s how I felt these past few days, do you know what it feels like when the whole world shuts you down? When the time tick slowly that every minute of it becomes unbearable? When you lay on the floor thinking about other things then imminently results in overthinking and falling asleep the whole day? When you feel so sluggish that you can’t even eat properly and every meal taste bland?
That’s how I’m feeling right now, I feel tired and weak. I don’t feel like myself. I keep on looking where my optimistic alter ego went. I can’t honestly say that technically this is depression, but I can say that I do feel this way right now. It’s scary, it’s draining, it’s devouring me. The scary thing about depression is that you’re not in war with anyone, you’re at war with your demons and when you’re at war with demons, it feels like you’re helpless, like you’re trapped in a dark eternal abyss where no matter how much you seek light you see none. No matter how we walk blindly praying that we’ll pass this nightmare in life we always hear the lull of the dark echoing inside our head. It is the most scariest thing a person could ever deal in their life.
It’s terrifying but I am not afraid of it, in fact I embraced the whole depression. I grow befriending the monster inside my head. I whole-heartedly listen to what depression vaguely whisper on my ear but the thing is, I don’t believe in everything he says. I’m vulnerable, I’m in my weakest moment in life but I realized that this moment must be where I am the strongest, where I must be in my bravest form. I must believe that this is just a phase in life that somehow, someday I pass through it. Even though I question why I’m suffering right now, I must be wise enough to think and believe that this has purpose, like any other struggles in life. When the time is right, I can let go my demons, I can bid farewell and never welcome him inside my head anymore.
And the most important thing I must always say to myself is that this is not the reason to give up on life. Life is sweet, just a little more sugar and I’ll be fine.