Day #8: Share Something You Struggle With
As I was cleaning up my table yesterday, I found an endless pile of papers, few certificates, test papers, reviewers and a lot more stuff. Way back college, I always join in some sort of organizations to keep myself busy all through my college years and then after I saw all these piles of papers, I suddenly asked myself if all I did on my college years are worth it. I mean, I basically dropped off my teenage years and all through college, all I ever did was encoding, video editing and photoshopping (for department purposes that no one really appreciated), I’m always running errands for other people, doing what other people asked me to do (officially became the dog of my college department), conforming, joining in all college events I really hate, attending seminars and literally imprisoned myself in the office when I should be out there, having a blast, socializing, experimenting and just living in the present.
When I was still in college I was caught up in my way of thinking that if I do all this shit, I can easily have a stable life after college because I’m doing my best, I’m changing for the better, I’m preparing for the future and I thought there would absolutely be in no way I could be unemployed. Right now I want to burn all this papers and certificates and just refund my wasted teenage time and just live my college life chilling and just having fun like all other college students.
3 months after graduation, I sent out like 15 to 20 resumes out there and no one ever respond, currently unemployed and just spending my time praying to god and all saints up there to help me become stronger and just have a little more patience. When I was at the chapel, just closing my eyes and trying to relax, my college memories started flooding back then I realized that no matter how hard you try, even though you give your very best you can still lose and just like what Beyonce said in her documentary, you can never be too good to lose, you can never be too determined to lose, never to hard-worker to lose, never too smart to lose and you lose when you need to lose.
I learned lessons the hard way and now I’m embracing all what’s happening, stopped controlling everything, just go with the flow, and stopped myself from wallowing in rejections and depression and just live for the moment because time will come things will be in my favor.
Right at this moment. I’m just doing whatever I want to do because I don’t want another regrets in my life. Realized that youth is too short and precious to waste on boring, idle and meaningless things.