Day#24: Write A Lesson You’ve Learned The Hard Way

As some of you know, I am not new about talking mistakes. As I was saying on my older posts, mistakes are my best friend as oppose to what other people perceive.  Openly making mistakes have been forging me to become the person I’d like to be, the kind of person who doesn’t want any regrets in life, who does not entertain any negativeness into his life. I am not daydreaming that life is like a movie where everything you see thinks can be fixed by meeting special someone, no, I’m not that kind of person. I’m the kind of person who is going to cry over my trials but still try hard to ignore it if it’s consuming me emotionally because life should never stop over one turmoil.

Nevertheless, the true topic should revolve around the lesson I have learned the hard way. . . so far.

It all happened 3 months ago. I am a fresh graduate of 4 year college. As for myself, I never considered myself ordinary or mediocre because as opposed to what everyone is doing, I worked my ass off all those 4 years. During my freshman year, I was a junior cartoonist part-time volunteer writer of the official gazette of my college school for a year. Back then, we were like having an overnight at our school for almost 2-3 times a week, where we always went home at almost always 3 o’clock in the morning. It feels like other student are in the midst of living in the mansion on their dream whilst I’m on the way back home. All I ever think back then was, “I should do this, I should now train myself to work hard therefore I could prepare for my future career.” On my second year, I freed myself from the suffocating protocols and mandatory duties of my once responsibilities and It felt exhilarating, I bid my last kiss on gazette. However, that did not stopped me from making myself like a programmed robot to feel the need to be “perfect”. I didn’t joined any clubs or organizations but I did attend every seminars and other things that I think will help me in the future and make my curriculum vitae looks like an ambrosia in the eye of the HR. On my third year, I volunteered to run for the position of the secretary in our department. Fortunately, all those early morning of memorizing speeches and giving speeches in front of hundreds to thousands of students actually paid off, I really didn’t believe that they buy what I blabber there. Nevertheless, It was too late to realize that I have entered in a devil’s den. I thought being there would feel great because I can meet new friends, I can serve my fellow schoolmates and I can learn a lot of things. Actually, all of those things was greatly served me but one thing isn’t what I thought it could be. I never became friends with my fellow co-officers, last thing I know they kept on backstabbing me like “he’s lazy, he’s worthless, he’s no-good, he doesn’t do anything, he is not important and so many things.” I swallowed it all up thinking I could make it through, but that is not nearly the worse for me. The thing that I couldn’t bare was for my effort to serve, my effort to help, my effort to become as responsible as I can be was seems like a ghost to them, but my mistakes and absence for a few times seems like a rainbow and sunshine to them. That lead me to stop making myself suffer, again.

By my senior year in college, I left no stone un-turned and still kept on torturing myself. I volunteered again to become the president of a small organization of marketing students which is YECS or Young Entrprenuers’ Canteen for Students. To Summarize, our responsibilities is to help give convenience to our fellow students by selling snacks, sodas and other stuff to other students, something within an easy reach for students because our school canteen was quite far from our building. It was a quite easier than my other previous responsibilities. As the president of that organization, I am in charge of buying the products, in charge of operation, for short in charge of everything. I basically am imprisoned on our mini canteen, like I’m not allowed to go anywhere, for a year I had been doing that, living on our canteen and tried to pull my self together as much as I can because I’m having a slight depression as I was seeing some of my friends out there in the grass, chattering and just like making the most out of their time since it was the last year we’re going to stay on our school.

After that, we graduated. “Finally,” I said to myself, finally I could do what I must do. 3 months after, I have been pounding the pavements yet no calls, nor an interview. I was depressed, I felt sick, I felt disgraced, I felt betrayed. I felt like dying after seeing all the extra miles I have went to just go down in flames. I felt helpless, I felt hopeless, I felt faithless.

It was a very daunting part of my life so far. It consumed me, it turned me into some psychotic, pessimistic freak that no one, even myself, have the will to stay long. I felt like a very different human being. I just can’t accepted the fact that I did everything, I basically didn’t have a life on my college years, I have suffered a lot of painful things and I’ve been literally sick for working too hard just to see myself crying, wallowing over rejections and self loathing. Only to realize that my thoughts and ideals all those years was not true, and I was forced to leave that ideal.

However, due to some good unexplained things happened to me, I was accepted into a free scholarship class which is run by the government. So I chose to take an english proficiency class, this time I didn’t do it for the sake of having a job or impressing employers, No. I did it because I want to help myself get up from that horrifying place I’ve been wallowing on. Thus, I met this wonderful professor, she was so unique and beautiful (I don’t see her in a sexual way), she’s so smart and she has an interesting mind which tickles and helped me open my mind to the things I was blind for. She is like an angel sent from above. She helps me see things in a more realistic yet not pessimistic kind of way, she helped me stand up again without her knowing it.

To top it all off, I could say that life is not a wishing well nor a programmed computer software where you must do everything to get to the next level. No, you can do everything and still fail, you can work your ass off and still fail, you can be everything you have got to be and still fail. Failure is inevitable but that doesn’t mean success is not achievable, because it is. Sometimes we fail because it really needs to happen, it needs to happen because they have something to tell us that success cannot. Success is just a heck of a delayed where you must need to learn something in order for you to get your hands on it.

Thus, I am saying to you, do not be afraid of pain, do not be afraid of your mistakes, look at me for example, I chose to toss my teenage years away to become a school robot and see myself after 4 years wallowing on rejections and self-loathing, regretting that I should have been out there living a life. You see, if I hadn’t experienced that, I will not be who I am now, I am not good at writing, I’m not good at observing people, and I could still be questioning if I can handle things fairly. If I hadn’t experienced rejections, I might be working right now and  did not met my professor in class who taught me a lot of good things.

Mistakes are just a blessing in disguise. Mistakes are an opportunity to grow.