Day #27: Conversely, Write Something Ass Kicking Right Now

So, here it is guys. I found this video lingering on my facebook page and I don’t even know who posted this but out of curiosity, I watched it and was in total awe on the reaction of the kids when they saw something like that. You should watch it.

well anyways, my statement about is this.

It is so interesting to see the younger generations are more open to things like this. You can see how nice their parents brought them up. I wish a lot of parents like that, you know? I mean, I don’t advice parents to make their child encourage or support the LGBTQ community but I wish they could like at least make them more open to things like this. Like, tell to their children that ‘it’s okay to go out of the norm.’ ‘It’s okay to be not straight’ at least that’s who you really are.

Personally, growing up, I was so confused of who I really am. I was meek, I was timid, I was shy, I was not into sports and my family are always asking if ‘I’m gay’, they said that no matter what I am, They’ll accept me. But that didn’t stopped there, I was bullied all through out my student years (less in college, though.) It was very humiliating, it was very painful, it destroyed my faith in humanity. IT WAS HELL. There even come to a point where I tried to kill myself during high school by drinking shampoos and gels and by literally cutting my wrist using blades and shattered pieces of glass. It was horrifying.

The things is that, when I was a child I really don’t know what and who I really am. When I was in grade school I was never attracted to the same gender, I have this crush name Darlind for 6 years and then I had this fling-love with a girl, a year older than me (I forgot her name). Then in high school I had a crush on this very beautiful girl and her name is Bea. I had a love-at-first-sight until a year later, I really fell to her, fell hard. I even courted her on my 2nd year high school and forced my self to learn to draw, so that I could be more appealing to her because she likes cartoons and anime at the end, she chose another girl over me, a lesbian.. So, my romantic conquest was a big epic failure, it was the first I felt my heart was deeply shattered.  Anyhow, I kind of figured things out when I was in college because that is the very first time I’ve been attracted to a guy. He’s bi, and we sort of had a pseudo-relationship or ‘just casual’ thing because I really don’t know what was happening that time. For me, it was an experimental phase. That casual relationship lasted for about a year and a few months. Only then, when I met this guy, who’s also a bisexual, really opened up my mind that I am also capable of really loving the same sex, the kind of love you feel when you love the opposite sex. I’ve been in a relationship with him for a couple of months, until he had to go to city and work there (I don’t believe in long distance relationship). But that didn’t closed my mind on getting attracted to the opposite sex. Sometimes, I really, really want to date some of my ‘girl crushes’ but I was so afraid that they might not accept my sexuality.They might not believe what I will say, or they might got turned off. So, I said to myself I will never be into a relationship with a ‘straight girl’ unless she’s open minded and accept me for who I really am, without trying to change me (because sexuality doesn’t change).

I just wanted to say to people out there who is going through the same journey, to just be yourself. It’s okay not to be like others, and it’s okay to be curious and you have your own life and time to figure it out. There’s no point in rushing to any conclusion, don’t worry, you’ll make it through. Don’t listen to other people, they might say whatever they want to say, but it is on you whether you will let them destroy you. It is hard, it is painful and sometimes, frankly speaking, it sucks not to be straight because no matter how you are used to people judging you, the pain never really get painless, the aching is still there.

I am so tired of people who just don’t get that being not straight is part of who you really are, and if I could be so bold, it has a permission or accepted by god. Because in reality, if being ‘not straight’ is a sin, I would like to give it back to him, but I can’t, It can’t. It’s a part of me that nothing can ever be changed. . . and straight people, THIS IS NOT A CHOICE, no one likes to be discriminated, get bullied or even become a laughing stock of the society, because if it is a choice, I will not choose this. But this is me, I love myself, I love my sexuality. It’s empowering to know who you really are and what you really want.

I just want to be clear that I really don’t label my sexuality. Label for me is the tag that society use to degrade and make fun of other people. I am who I am, who knows I might fall in love with a lesbian, gay, transgender and even straight. The thing is, for me, Love is a full spectrum, you can choose who you want to love.’

Anyhow, to close this topic. I am really really encouraging everyone to please STOP HATING. Stop hurting us by the word of god, stop shoving scriptures on our face because the bible also said that ‘Love should be above all.‘ ‘Love thy neighbor.’ Can we just let everyone be happy? Can we just let everyone love who they really love? Because we’re also human, capable of true loving and also capable of bleeding. Can we just treat each other like a normal human being? As long as we’re not hurting anybody, we also deserve some love and respect… right?