The Do’s and Dont’s in Friends-With-Benefits Set-Up
Do : Ask yourself if you’re game in this kind of game. If not, it’s okay. This kind of set-up is not for everyone, especially to hopeless romantics.
Don’t: Jump in the relationship if you’re in doubt. Many people jump in this FWB thing without any preparations whether they can handle this kind of messy, fucked-up relationship-but-not-really-a-relationship relationship. You know what I mean?! Some people think that after several hook-ups they can change their partner’s mind and you two will be like Justin Timberlake and Milla Kunis at the end of the day.
Do: Pick a guy/gal who’s not your type. This will save your ass in the future. Dating someone your type will inevitably result in *cough* falling in love. Just pick a hottie and that’s enough. Oh! and Be SAFE!
Don’t: Feel like you need to know everything about them. Just their latest HIV test result and their criminal records are enough. Knowing their birth date and their favorite childhood memories will only feed your fantasy and will only destroy you in the future. Trust me.
Do: Lay your ground rules on the table. Talk it out. This way you can have a clear view of what is going to happen between the two of you. Most FWB has it’s expiration date, like a pizza which you can only eat for a few days before the maggots starts crawling in. You don’t wan’t that maggots crawling in your heart, do you?!
Don’t: EXPECT. friends-with-benefits are the kind of relationship where you don’t want to expect anything. Don’t expect for a thank you after a hook-up, or expect them to offer you to spend the night with them, or a ‘good morning! Did you have your breakfast already?’ kind of text. No cuddling! No netflix and chill! No ice cream and pizza together! The only expectation you can have towards your ‘friend’ is an orgasm. Nothing more.
Do: Meet other people. Not necessarily sleep with them but still continue on your pursuit for a real relationship if you want. If you don’t want relationship, you should still hang out with your friends, go to bar with them, have a real friendly sleep-over with your friends and do things you do when you’re single (which you still are). Nothing should ever change!
Don’t: Fantasize. Fantasizing only leads to a delusional romantic scenario that will probably never going to happen. It will only clog your judgement and make you more romantically attached with your partner. It will make goodbyes hard.
Do: Understand that this relationship only satisfies your sexual need as no other people can (or at least in the moment). Therefore; they have no utter obligations on making you feel special on your birthday or comfort you on your down moments as they are not your romantic partner or even a real friend. They are not obliged to treat you out, share an ice-cream with you when you’re sad or go to movies when you’re uncomfortable on going on your own. They’re not obliged to fix you nor they are the missing puzzle in your life.
Don’t: Make things complicated. The set-up itself is pretty clear.
Do: Prep yourself. Just because it’s a friends-with-benefits kind of thing, means you’re excused on not preparing yourself up. Do yourself a favor and your partner. Be as presentable as you can but not too much. You don’t want them to stick up for too long…. or maybe you do?
Don’t: Prepare too much. Don’t over decorate your room, filled with scented candles and fresh washed curtains. Don’t stock too much food on the fridge. The least thing you want after a bang is them to rummage on your fridge and eat your favorite jar of nutella and spend the whole morning till afternoon with them. It’s a lover kind of thing. Ain’t nobody have time for that!
Do: Be open on what’s going on between the two of you. If you feel like you’re having these unsure feeling of *god forbid* ‘falling in love’, open it, share it with them. Maybe you can both agree on ending it or maybe you can discuss on how you can put a stop to it.
Don’t: Drunk text them! It’s the worst idea EVER! Don’t give flirty comments on their facebook, or tweet them or post an instagram pictures together! You two should remain as incognito to other people as much as possible. You don’t want other people to meddle with it and make things worse. Also, Stop giving sexual innuendos such as; ‘Hey, You want to come over, I just ordered this hot chinese food, want to come and eat with me? or I’m just going to do it alone. *wink emoticon*’ come on! really?!!
Do: Respect their decisions. If they don’t want to text you for two weeks. Okay. If they ghosted you. Okay. If they don’t want to hook-up with you anymore, Okay! there’s nothing to be taken seriously in this kind of set-up. You signed up for this, deal with it!
Don’t: Make them feel guilty. Just because it doesn’t last (which it really doesn’t) you’re going to have an ill-will towards them or say words that will make them feel guilty or make them feel they betrayed you.
Do: Remind yourself all the ground rules you both agreed. When things become out of hand, always check the guide-book. When you accidentally bumped into each other in the mall and decided to watch a romantic movie together, go home and contemplate. This will save you from your fantasy. A relationship like this should remain platonic as possible.
Don’t: Be afraid to say goodbye. You should have known from the start that these kind of things doesn’t last. When feelings are inevitably crawling in, talk it out or end it. Why? because there’s a 99.9% chance that they don’t feel the same way… or risk the .1% expecting that they also feel the same way and feel your world crushing in your head.
Do: Be thankful for the experience. Applaud yourself for an experience that not all people can ever have or the guts to do. It was an eye-opening experience and now, you know better.
Don’t: Do it AGAIN! Now you know better. Never do it again. You now know that it’s a complete waste of emotional and physical energy and time. Is it worth it? The orgasm, heck yes! everything else? maybe, maybe not. The only thing you should think of right now is how you actually going to move on with your life and actually LIVE life. Your mama didn’t raise a sexual deviant who lives only for hook-ups or sex! Work and be successful! Ain’t nobody got time for a lame distraction.